Tuesday , January 28 2020
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The Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Anyway, Happy Birthday

I love a Housewives trip. One of the more notable glow ups the first season of “Real Housewives of Dallas”—which I think we can all agree now was frankly garbage—was when we went on an actual plane to an actual vacation, and didn’t just take a bus to Austin. But, oddly, the good stuff in this episode was all pre-Mexico. Stephanie’s session with life coach Carmen (when I cried)… pre-Mexico. Wedding planner Steve (and Joe Keery hair inspiration) stepping in to say that even though LeeAnne is super humble and hesitant to accept free stuff, you should give her a free couture wedding gown because that’s the right thing to do… that was pre-Mexico. A business meeting between two unlikely business souls that was canceled because of a hair emergency… pre-Mexico obviously!

Even packing for Mexico was more interesting than this Mexico trip so far. But it’s early in this Careyes vacation yet, and so far, all anyone has done is completely disrespect a host’s attempt to create a drama-free roommate situation.

We’re also clearly building up for a Kary-LeeAnne fight, but I don’t even know whose side I’m on. Of course I respect a 50-something-year-old woman’s desire not to share a bed when there’s a perfectly good suite available. But Kary makes a valid point that LeeAnne has been, like, kinda rude the whole time. I don’t know. I feel like last night’s episode gave me more questions than answers, and most of them are about D’Andra’s hair.

Okay, let’s start with the most intriguing scene of this whole episode, and potentially the whole season: D’Andra missing an appointment with Travis to talk business. I would have liked to see that. When Stephanie suggested a few episodes back that D’Andra should talk to Travis, I was like, yeah that makes sense. They both took over a business from a parent, and one has been wildly more successful at it than the other (you can read about Travis’ journey to becoming CEO of Hollman Lockers here!). However, I didn’t think we’d actually get to see it.

But then D’Andra misses the meeting because… why exactly? She was getting her dyed back to blonde the night before and had to do it three to four times (“at least”)? So, did she not show up because she was getting her roots touched up until dawn and slept through the meeting, or was she insecure about the state of her hair? Anyway, Travis is mad, Stephanie deems him “Tramiah Carey” (amazing), and he leaves D’Andra a voicemail reprimanding her for not showing up. (The internet thought it was oddly sexy and I… don’t disagree.) Travis ends the voicemail with, “Anyway, happy birthday.” Tramiah Carey, indeed.

The LeeAnne/Steve scene in Nardos was wild to me. Like, if I was on a reality show, and I knew that People was going to cover my wedding, I would absolutely leverage that to get free stuff. Who among us!? But I guess they can’t just say that on TV, so instead, we get an extremely awkward, pretty manipulative exchange where Nardos Iman eventually agrees to give LeeAnne a $25,000 couture gown as a “favor.” I truly hope it was pre-planned. Wild!

Stephanie continues to do great work for people dealing with anxiety and depression. That’s all.

Kameron was voted “Most Likely to Get Lost in the Airport on Her Way to College.” Tough. And on that note, I’m bummed these ladies had to fly out of DFW. It would have been nice to get the splendor of Love Field on Bravo.

Okay, it’s time to dig deep on this cool Careyes house. First of all, this Forbes article, which has some good info on the luxurious enclave, definitely features an aerial shot of the Brittingham’s home. There’s a reason all the architecture is curved, according to Architectural Digest. Also, if anyone wants to go to Arte Careyes with me this year, let a girl know.

Of course, there is someone here who is not appreciating the collaboration between architecture and nature, or the area’s 90 pools(!). Honestly, I really want to like LeeAnne, but she makes it so damn hard sometimes. Not to get all Emily Post here, but if you don’t want a host to call you negative, you should probably not be super negative toward your host. And sure, Kary 100 percent should not have asked her why she never had children (no one should ever be asked that!), but LeeAnne’s reaction was too extreme (which, to be fair, is what makes her a great Housewife). Stephanie’s assertion that LeeAnne probably uses suicide to shut down conversations she doesn’t want to have seems extremely legitimate.

The one person giving us levity on this trip so far is Brandi, who straight up left dinner without a word and then immediately passed out after (probably!) having diarrhea. I like to pretend I’m above scatological humor, but I’m not. This made me laugh. What a strange, silly show.

See you next week when Kameron finally throws that napkin!